Covention Epitaph

At least it wasn't unexpected....

8 Conventions, somewhere around 500 jumps, 2 trashed tents, enough cash to
buy that Mustang I've always wanted, a truly ridiculous amount of beer, so
many aircraft I lost track years ago, a Muff #, a Skydog #, a Pathetic Loser
#, a Flying Hellfish #, a world record, all the gear I presently own, a
whole bunch of out of focus pictures of half naked drunks, some memories,
some mammaries, a few storms........okay, a whole bunch of fuckin' wild blow
the farm into the next county prairie storms, floods, droughts, heat waves,
cold snaps, lots of Vodka, yeah, yeah, lots and lots of Vodka, Early Birds,
Dirty Birds, sunset loads, late nights, early mornings, great bands, burning
couches, some Bricks, some Brothers, some Darts, a girl with artificially
(spectacularly!) enhanced breasts in a bikini and a rig riding an inflatable
alligator, (Matt1 has video!) some tailgates, some tail, some attitude, some
altitude, no gratitude, a couple of Magic Carpet Rides, a Bloomin Idiot or
two, Blondes Brunettes and Baldies, some swoops, some swaps, autographs - a
whole bunch of kids actually asked me for my autograph!!!, the legendary
Matt Matt Larry Larry dive (you think you've been in a confusing dirt dive?
try that one after you've already done 8 dives that day), 2 Big Green
Torpedoes, one of which put Matt1 on a ceiling, and the other one made me
see stars, a drawer full of t-shirts, 2 Staff hats of which I am
inordinately proud, the mayors wife dressed in a shower curtain complete
with rod, a Margarita Bar inside a Herc, FREE BEER!!!!!, .............and on
and on and on.

That's what the Convention means to me, and a group of people who are some of my best friends.

Some quotes: Matt1: "Put me down for whatever, I'm gonna go lower my wing
loading and be back for the dirt dive". Kelly: " I'm not going to do that in
public, but I'll take pictures if you want to give it a try". Bob: "Are you
on medication? Would you like to try some of mine?" Larry Dewey: "So, is
that Canadian Beer?". Joanne: "You should be on medication, here, have
another beer". Matt2 - actually, I couldn't do Matt2 justice, he sends some
of the funniest emails I've ever read. Downwind: "Can I get hurt doing
this?" Scuba Joe: "Do you have a faster suit than that? Maybe you should
just go naked and wear weights." Garage Door Ray: "Are you sure your helmet
is thick enough for this skydive?" Anita: "Now everybody take a deep breath,
get into your warm fuzzy place, relax, have a good time, and don't worry
about the planet that that's about to get jammed up your ass". Rick: "Can't
we all, just, get along?". Don Kirlin: "The jet will be here tomorrow".
Brent:" Okay here's the plan, I saw it in a cartoon once but I think I know
where they went wrong". Darryld: " Okay here's the plan, oh wait, there's
one more person, okay, here's the plan, oh wait, there's two more people,
okay, here's the plan, oh wait, the General just showed up, here's the plan,
yadda yadda yadda" (But his dives were always entertaining). Nuclear George:
"Have you seen my wife's breasts? Would you like to?"

The Convention that will not be would have started tomorrow. But instead of
sitting in a lawn chair surrounded by my idiot friends, in the middle of a
rapidly filling campground in what would've become the Worlds Biggest Drop
Zone for 10 days, I am at home, sitting on the deck. Tomorrow, instead of
rising to the sound of the King Air starting its high-speed descent, I'll be
getting up and tearing the roof off the garage. And every morning for the
next 9 days, everytime I drag my ass out of bed, I will have to suppress the
urge to grab my gear, and, rattling Matts tent on the way past, head for the
loading tents to make the Dirty Bird Load at 7:15.

No Casa's, no Biplane, no Jet, no live band every night. My friends
scattered to different events, where we're all making new friends, and
waiting for our next chance to jump together.

On Monday I will be leaving for the Canadian Nationals with my carefully
selected, hand-picked 4-way team. Translation: 3 poor souls I convinced to
go with me. And an 8-way team, and a 10-way Speed team. At least, that's the
plan. But everybody knows what usually happens to my plans.

To those who are going to the Un-Conventional, or to Summerfest, I wish you
Blue Skies, Light Winds, Hot Skydives, and I miss you already. To anyone
foolish enough to come join me in Burnaby, Bring all the booze you can
carry!, we'll need it!

Crazy Larry