As I finished packing they were making the 10 minute call for the Hit and
Chug. Grabbing a ticket, I managed to get the last slot, and the briefing
began immediately. "Okay, you must land before you reach the red flag, run
the obstacle course that continues up the field in the landing direction,
then chug your beer at the end." Obstacle course? Nobody said anything about
an obstacle course. I signed up for a hit and chug, not the Marines! More on
this later.
I had the lightest loaded canopy so I went out last, right after the Tandem.
Yes there was a Tandem pair entered as well. I dumped at 6,500, and wanting
to give myself every advantage I could decided to loosen my legstraps and
remove my chest strap so I could just step out of the gear on landing and
start running. When that was done, I reached up to grab my
toggles.............and now that my legstraps were loose........they were of
course........ about 10 inches out of reach. Hmmmm. This could be a problem.
In theory I could land on rear risers, but attempting this for the first
time in front of a crowd with my gear loosened off to the point it's barely
staying on didn't strike me as a good idea.
I grabbed a riser and hauled on it to get up to where I could reach a
toggle, resulting in the Stiletto taking off sideways and trying to throw me
out. Okay. need a new plan. Through careful trial and error I finally manage
to scale the risers, get hold of the toggles, and start setting up for
landing. I take advantage of the wind of the fact that I'm the last one
down, and sink it in hard-core accuracy style to land within feet of the
starting gate.
This is where the real fun starts. For the spectators. And there seem to be
an awful lot of spectators. The first obstacle is a stick, about 3 feet tall
that you have to put your head on and spin around 5 times. then it's on to
the tires, set up like a high school football drill, that you have to run
through, getting your feet in each one. That's where I passed the tandem,
gamely carrying his Instructor. Then the slalom. A series of pool noodles
standing upright that you have to weave through. A short sprint, then run up
a set of stairs (somebody put waaay to much thought into this!) throwing
yourself off the top onto a large cushion on the other side. Following the
cushion there was a strangely empty stretch of ground lined on one side by
skydivers, followed by the water slide. As I started across the grass, I
suddenly recalled something from the briefing about "The Gauntlet" That's
when the Skydivers opened fire with water balloons. They must have been
hoarding their ammunition and waiting for me as there was a veritable hail
of missiles hurled at me as I ran. Diving onto the water slide, I made it a
third of the way across before I even landed, arms out in front of me,
watching as my treasured Altimaster, my faithful and constant companion on
so many skydives, went splashing through the puddles.
Finally. I'm done. All I have to do is drink my beer and this version of
skydivers tormenting other skydivers is over. But I can't get my soaking wet
glove encased finger under the #&*%$#@ tab! And the glove is held on with
Velcro, so I use the only tool left to me, my teeth. And discover that the
guy who handed me the beer was kind enough to shake the bejesus out of it
first, resulting in it exploding in my face. Okay. Now I start to chug. And
realize there was one last obstacle. It seemed they had put the beer out in
the sun for a few hours so it would be the perfect temperature for guzzling.
I have no idea what my time was, it's not important. But if they do it again
tonight, I'll sign up. With a little surprise of my own. I went to Wal Mart
this morning and bought the biggest Super Soaker water pistol they had. This
time when I hit "The Gauntlet", I'm going to fight back!
Fireworks last night that would put Parliament Hill on Canada Day to shame.
It started with Skydivers covered in glow sticks, more skydivers dragging
trails of flame, and then they set fire to a Twin Otter while it was doing a
buzz job. No Shit. True story. I'll see if I can get some pictures from
somebody.
I'm having no fun at all.
Larry
