"Tis better to give, than to receive."

Especially if you're talking about water balloons.

I decided I would watch the Hit N' Chug, rather than participate, as that would allow me to start drinking beer at the more civilized hour of 4 o'clock. Once Diane had the obstacle course explained to her, she decided she would give it a pass and start drinking with me, and since I wasn't going, Gerry said he wasn't going. Since I'd only had one beer when he informed me of that, and since it was an American beer, I changed my mind and said I would go. But Gerry's mind was already made up, he quickly had a beer in hand, and that was that. It was settled. We were going to be the people throwing the water balloons, rather than being thrown at.


This event is a combination of accuracy, speed, and beer chugging. The clock starts as soon as you land. You run to the beginning of the course, put your head on top of an upright baseball bat that you have to rotate around 5 times, weave through the pylons, climb a set of bleachers, throw yourself off the other side onto a large pad, roll off, and then run a stretch of open grass known as "The Gauntlet". It's lined with skydivers armed with water balloons and water pistols. Then you dive onto the water slide, and at the end of that they hand you a well shaken beer that has been left out in the sun all day. Guzzle that down, and when you're finished, the clock stops. Lowest time wins.

We grabbed our lawn chairs and joined the rapidly swelling crowd gathering in the spectator area. But when we got there, there wasn't a single water pistol or water balloon in sight. Somebody had forgotten to go to Walmart for supplies. Finally! I had a use for the balloons that went with the cylinder of helium I had dragged about most of North America all spring. Gerry and I were quickly in the bathroom making a god-awful mess as we filled the 50 balloons. There was somebody in one of the crappers behind us who turned out to be a participant in the contest, and in exchange for a promise of immunity he promised to not warn the rest of the contestants. As soon as he left the bathroom Gerry and I looked at each other and Gerry said " He's getting extra balloons for not warning his friends!" We gave it all away though when one of the bags we were carrying the balloons in gave away as we passed a group gearing up for the contest. I'm pretty sure a dozen balloons full of water didn't escape their attention, and that they weren't fooled by Gerry shouting "It's got nothing to do with you!"

We grabbed Kelly, Diane, Robyn, and another girl to throw the balloons, and stationed them along the length of the gauntlet. Since Phil is the trained Fireman I gave him the Super Soaker, and Bob went with him carrying a jug of water to help him reload. Gerry and I took up positions next to the water slide with my camera. We were ready for the first victims.

The first group of 6 started to land, and as soon as the first guys feet were on the ground he pulled his cutaway handle and took off at a run to get to the baseball bat. He ran the rest of the course and when he rolled off the mat he was treated to a hail of missiles, some of which actually found their mark. He finished the course just about the time the next guy started his run. The third guy was the kid who we had promised immunity to, and he'd been wise enough to not believe us and ran the course in a bathing suit. He got extra attention from the girls as he went past. He wasn't going to waste time waiting for it to pour out and shotgunned it, piercing a hole at the base and popping the top. It emptied in a couple of seconds.

It continued on with most of the contestants cutting away their main and running the course wearing their container rather wasting time undoing it. Then one guy landed, reached down, peeled and pulled his cutaway handle, and following the all the training and drills he'd been practicing for years, followed it by pulling his reserve handle. His reserve pilot chute was flung across the landing area as the crowd howled with laughter. One of the people who had been dragging the gear out of the way shouted "It's okay! We found the free bag!' as he waved it above his head and the crowd laughed louder.

The winning time was one minute seventeen seconds. Gerry is all wound up to come back next year and he is absolutely certain if he can land with any accuracy at all, cut that time in half.