"And you are condemned to forever be front float...."

At the Canadian Skills Camp in the spring of 2011, after I had gotten away with forcing the organizers to buy beer, twice, Dan B.C. laid a curse upon my head: "And you are forever condemned to be front float, and so shall your children, and your children's children, and your children's children's children!" Front float can be a tough slot. You're the first to climb out of the plane and wind up clinging to the side for a long period breaking the wind for everybody who climbs out and tucks in behind you. We're also exiting at 16,000 feet, and it can get pretty damn cold out there as everybody else in the plane gets lined up and ready to go. But I wasn't worried, I knew he was just joking. Besides, it's been a year, I'm sure he's forgotten about it by now.

They posted the slots for Wednesday morning's skydive. I'm one of the dark blue guys in the outer ring of the center section in about the 5 o'clock position. I'm front float on the Otter that is flying the "F" slot, right trail trail. I'm fucked. Not only do I have to climb out and cling to the side of an airplane in flight moving at 100 miles an hour for up to 30 seconds in sub-zero temperatures, I also have to dive down leading a dozen people  to intercept the base at the correct spot in space. The guy right behind me will be Josh Hall, world class organizer, member of Arizona Airspeed, and my plane captain. Every, single, mistake I make, will be right in front of him. The person who will be docked just off to my right will be Kate Cooper Jensen, most famously known for organizing every women's world skydiving record in the last decade, and for shouting "Suck it Up Cupcake" as she eviscerates yet another hapless attendee at a big-way camp. After diving halfway across the state of California with half of my plane following me, expecting me to lead them to the right place, I'll be forming part of a 25 person Base. Being in the Base means I have to be prepared to fall fast. Real Fast. Go out the door wearing all the lead weights I can fit into both my weight belts plus throw a few more into my pockets fast. I didn't bring a canopy anywhere near big enough. I'll be landing in the high desert going like a bat out of hell because of all that extra weight and in all likelyhood cartwheeling along in a ball of lines, Zero-P fabric, and dirt. As icing on the cake Josh and Kate will be leading the tracking group I'll be part of when we break off and leave. Every, single, thing, I do wrong, on the next 20 skydives, (assuming they don't cut me before then) is going to happen under the noses of 2 of the plane captains.

I'm fucked. I can hear Dan laughing already.

"And your children, and your children's children's children......."