Off And Crawling Like A Herd Of Turtles

It's that time of year again, when a young mans fancy turns to thoughts
of.................BOOGIES!!!

I've just finished a last minute, warp speed blast around town on the FZ,
including a half-hour tearing up the Eastern Ramps seeking new limits in the
delicate balance of the laws of physics, gravity, traction, horsepower, and
acceleration, and as soon as I finish this and hit send, I'm OUTA HERE!

Vacation at last!

When most of you receive this I should be headed west at a dangerous and
unsafe rate of speed, stereo pounding to 70's and 80's rock and roll as I
careen down the 401 to Summerfest in Chicago, and you are all invited to
come with me. I promise to get you there, but my plans are kinda fluid so
you might have to get back on your own. Seriously, the offer is there.

I packed 3 tents so this time I shouldn't run out of tents before God runs
out of storms, a coupla' sets of gear, coolers, tarps, even more electronics
than last time, cash cash and more cash, and of course, lots and lots of
Smirnoff Ice. Having too much Vodka is like having too much fun, it just
isn't possible.

I'll sleep in the truck tonight, spend Thursday on the track in
Shannonville - Fast Riding School Phase II - stay at Jean's place in Barrie
on Thursday night, continue on to Chicago on Friday morning, and be jumping
by mid-afternoon.

I promise to drive fast and take chances, remembering that there are TWO
miles of ditches for every ONE mile of road, that danger never takes a
break, and that if things go bad that none of those yahoos I'll be jumping
with is gonna have to explain to my mother why I'm not coming home. (If it
come to that, Kevin, you can have the bike, Cathy the kitchen, Dan the
creepers, Al, go ahead and move in for as long as you want, and everybody
can come over and drink all the booze, there's plenty to go around). I
further promise to always use the appropriate safety equipment, and to watch
out for my friends, as I know they will watch out for me. All the while
keeping in mind my favorite Matt1 quote, "I don't think my helmet's thick
enough for this Skydive'.

All kidding aside, I fully expect to return in more or less the condition in
which I left. No doubt bruised and battered, scraped and scratched, feeling
every day of my 48 1/2 years, considerably poorer, but richer with new
friendships, and old ones renewed.

Many of the usual knuckleheads will not be joining us this year, and for the
first time since 2002 I know going in I'm gonna do more jumps in Illinois
than Matt. Ha! I win!

For the return trip, whenever that happens, I have programmed the address of
every Canadian and U.S. drop zone between Ottawa Illinois, and Ottawa
Ontario into the GPS, and will try and hit as many as possible on the way.
Unless Donald calls in which case I shall head for St. Esprit to Tandem my
ass off and get PAID to Skydive. It so sucks to be me.

I'm half tempted to drop by and pay for Dana to take me for a Tandem just
for sport. It would be fun to have her clip on, then stand up, and carry her
to the plane.

Consider yourself warned Ross: Farnham is dangerously close, and I might
have a few days to kill.

For that matter, Beth and Tim might want to think about checking to see
who's there before they answer the door, everywhere within a couple thousand
miles is within my reach.

In any case I shall be back for August 12th. Unless of course the staff
finally takes the hint and decides to use those matches I handed out to all
of them on my way out the door this morning. They are under standing orders
that if they smell smoke, they are to leave quietly, locking the door behind
them, and rather than calling the Fire Department, to call me and tell me
it's not necessary for me to return. And I shall continue merrily on my way,
skydiving through the insurance money.

If there's anybody down Toronto way who wants to tag along, call my cell at
613-853-2794, leave a message, and I'll pick you up as I pass through on
Friday. If not, well you can't say you never got invited!

Crazy Larry, C-3082, Coach II, Tandem Instructor, SSI (pending), PL-97, Muff
967, Skydog 156, Flying Hellfish 476, Dirty Sanchez 382.