I used to have friends

Or at least, I thought I did. And then Facebook came along. And all those people I had thought were my friends started sending me invitations to "Be My Friend". What were we before? Does this mean that all those people who have come over here and eaten my food, drank my booze, broken my wineglasses and passed out on my floor, weren't already my friends? What the heck were we? Were you all just taking advantage of my good nature? Not Cynthia apparently. Despite the fact that she has never been to my house, to raid the wine cellar, empty the Beer Machine or pillage the Liquor Closet, she has not only invited me to be her friend, but she has made me one of her Top friends! Imagine that! Not only are we friends, but she now considers me to be one of her Top 35 Friends!

I feel privileged! I feel special! I feel nervous! I had never given it any thought before, but now I wonder just how I rate with everybody else. And where do I really rate with Cynthia? Am I at the top of the Top list? Or did I just squeak in at number 35? Did I finish ahead of Dan? (Note: for 2007 I had about 30 pictures more than Dan printed in Canpara, meaning I win for 2007, and also I have more pictures printed than Dan as a cumulative total from past years. Not that it's a competition, but if it was, I'd be winning)

What sort of criteria is she using to select her Top friends? Is it all purely subjective or are there minimum standards that must be met? How can I improve my standings? (Not that it's a competition, but if it is, I want to be winning. Not that I'm all about winning. Remember, Cynthia started this.)

What happens if I do something to displease her? Say for example, cancel and re-manifest my 4-way and Tandems repeatedly, forcing her to juggle loads and aircraft back and forth repeatedly while simultaneously answering the phone, taking peoples money, and making sure all the paperwork, loadsheets etc. are in order? Okay, that's a bad example, because I already do that and she went and made me a Top friend anyway. But you get the idea. Will she punish me by coming over here and raiding the Wine cellar, emptying the Beer Machine and pillaging the Liquor closet? Will she demote me? Are there other lists? If there are, what are they called? Am I on some of them too? Is there a "Lesser Friends" list? Is there a "People who are my friend when it's late at night, we've been drinking around the fire, and I need help making it to my tent" list? (please note, you're all on my list for that one)

The stress! The confusion! The potential stigma and resulting shame that will result from getting dropped from a Top list could have far reaching consequences. And what about not getting added to other peoples Top lists? I'll have to drop off of Facebook, move, and meet people the old-fashioned way - in the showers at Carleton U.

Cynthia! How could you do this to me? I thought I was your friend!

The preceeding rant was brought to you by a thouroughly exhausted and completely frazzled Crazy Larry.

No friends were harmed in the making of this rant.

Except me. Cynthia, How Could You!?